| Ok, we all recognize
the item on the right - that's an old style 73 brake set
up used on sporties and v-twins for many years. I
happened to find enough pieces parts in my various boxes
and bags to kludge one together. Yeah, it's pure Wagner
style with all the glory that can only be found in that
big lump of badly cast metal all chromed out and COVERED
with a Chrome Cover. Stopping power never looked do
good. BUT that thing on the left...what the hell is
that? |
| Yup, it's an Ultima 6
speed. Why? Because I hand-built the last transmission I
put in a bike and it took a lot of time. Remember the 36
month build cycle of Frankenstein? Hardly "Build-Off"
speed , but then, screw those chimps. This was $549 -
that's right, I paid five hundred and forty nine dollars
for a pretty decent six speed. Now, I'm talkin' out of
school here because we've never heard this run. But
considering the motor and the other stuff that's going
on this bike, the whine of a slightly mal-aligned gear
really won't be heard above the din the rest of this rig
is bound to spit out. I would've loved to buy an
American Six Speed - but the only one I've seen that
makes any sense is that 6 inna 4 by Baker. Now there is
a fine piece of American engineering- but the truth of
the matter is that that transmission cost THREE GRAND.
I'm sure it's worth every penny of three grand, as sure
as I am that I don't HAVE three grand for my
transmission part of this project. I'd be happy if I
could by some USA made gears for even a GRAND, but it
just isn't going to happen. So I slug another nail in
the coffin that is American Industrialism. Sorry guys, I
just didn't have the money. |
| Jockey shift with a
snake head! I've got Jockey shift with a snake's head!
It's something you've always wanted since you saw all
that goofy Ed Roth Rat Fink stuff - but let's face it,
they don't build suburban station wagons with shift
levers with snake heads, so we mutter through our
miserable existences never achieving that one thing that
we all (all men at least) year for - a Jockey shift
lever with a snake's head. Now I've got one, and somehow
- I feel I've completed some great journey, some wild
and mindless trek that has lead me to the sacred place
where I , a mere mortal, is allowed to have a Jockey
shift with a snake's head. In this case, I could buy
American - I went down to the Checker Auto Parts (an
American Store) picked out my big chrome snake head from
the other chrome shift knob icons that were available to
me at the time (time - wasting it, a pretty good
American pastime) and paid for it with greenbacks (what
could be more American) only to be totally dashed on the
rocks of patriotism when I noticed the small sticker on
the back of the package that read "Made in Taiwan -
Pretty Soon We Own Your Ass Fat American Lackey Dog").
What was I to do? I screamed obscenities at the store
clerk but alas - he didn't understand a word I said, not
speaking English and all. |
| I wanted one of those
really cool La Brae Jockey shift kits - but again, our
non-existent budget put that out of our reach. You
should check their stuff out anyway. It's really cool,
well-made American stuff . But I took the left lever off
a Custom Chrome jockey shift kit and started turning
bits and bolts over and over in my hands until I had
fabricated the idea of how this "jockey shift" thing
would work. You'll see more pictures soon, but for now
know that this rig really works and cost almost nothing
- made out of odds and ends and left over bits of bike
part kits that I never used. I suppose I could put
together a parts list - but suffice it to say it used
the jockey shift pedal that was supposed to fit on a
four speed, O bolted on am exhaust hanger and a chrome
cable clamp to come up with this thing. Works good, cost
nuhtin'. |
|
The Snake
Bike...
How to make the mechanism that powers the glorious snake down
the road so unusual that people (who have any knowledge of
motorcycles at all) will simply look at the way things are set
up on this bike and go..."I don't get it". Because there is
nothing TO get, there is simply a lever on the left hand side
missing - the one and only clutch lever is not there. Won't be
there, won't grow there, will never appear there and will never
by any mechanical means be bolted there. Why? Because it's not
needed!
Stop the presses and hold the ink - how can a bike not have a
clutch lever. Well, when I think of cars - there is only one
kind of car that doesn't have a clutch pedal and that's, that's
, that's ....and automatic? What is that you're saying? A WHAT?
The simplest of two wheeled machines is being garaged up with a
bunch of monkey-butt techno-trash crap rejected by even the
"plushest" of Gold Wings and "Cruising Tourers". Yes, the Snake
is going to be automatic. Not in automatic like you never touch
the gears, Oh, you're going to have to touch the gears on this
baby. You're going to have to grab the gears by their shiny,
well-oiled metallic testicles and give them way more than a good
hearty handshake - if you catch my drift. You're gonna have to
reach down there and YANK THAT SUCKER INTO GEAR. And, what could
be more symbolic to yank on than the namesake of the very
scooter itself - the SNAKE.
That's right, sticking out of the chrome and polish transmission
case is one genuine jockey shifter attached to a SIX SPEED of
all bombastic things sporting a great, chromium SNAKES HEAD. The
very icon of the God Isis herself - the red-eyed asp is going to
be the only ticket that you'll be able to find in the strange
haven that exists between third and fourth gear as you rev up a
high way onramp and prepare to MERGE. Merge this - grab the
snake head and shuck that thing into gear after gear after gear
- because while there are gears, the earth bound reality of the
hand clutch lever will not be found on this bike. Now, not that
I'm man enough to purely jockey a six-speed bike with a 127 CI
motor, nope I'm getting by with a little help from my friends.
My friends who made this really cool auto-clutch at
Rev-Loc Automatic Clutches.
SO, when you want to slow down and dropout of gear, instead of
hoping you can find neutral before you run out of roadway or
space between you and that Greyhound Bus Bumper rushing at you
at 60 miles per hour - you merely apply the brake and the Snake
will (hopefully) slither out of gear and into a beautiful
neutral - allowing you to put both feet down when you come to
the stop a mere inch from the Happy Dog's bumper. Want to get
rolling? Move Mr. Snake until he's in first gear, and simply
grab onto some of that massive throttle we're hoping to buy on
eBay and it'll drop a fang into first. So what's with the gismot
on the left hand side? Read the pix text, bucko.
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